my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
