***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
be right there i have to get my cape
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
