They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
