Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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