Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
