Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
