Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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