Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
