Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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