Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
