good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
