When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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