david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
