Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
