I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My brain says no but my pants say off.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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