so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
