he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
