Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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