Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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