so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
