I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
