Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So vagazzling was a success
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
