why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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