New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
