Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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