I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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