Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
