My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
