need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
