Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
