Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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