pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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