If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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