I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
