You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sober January is a disaster.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
