I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
