Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
