i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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