Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
