i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
