Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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