I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
