Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
