he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
