We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
