I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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