I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
