Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
