you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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