Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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