4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
