You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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