his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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