I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
