What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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