like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
