I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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