it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
