I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
