I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
