You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
