I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
