She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
